I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize