OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Farmville is her only friend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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