she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
