wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
