"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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