I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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