Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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