i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
