I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
