dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
