oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
