Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I could make wine with my vomit
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize