can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
