found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
