i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
