Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
