I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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