I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
