It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
