Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
