Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
