the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
