YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
