I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
