I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
