I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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