I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No subtext here. People are naked.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
