Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
