I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
