What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
