when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
