i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
