im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
