you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
