Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
