had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
