she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
