its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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