I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize