How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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