idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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