if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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