You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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