Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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