I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
