I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
