She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
