don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
