how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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