His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
