Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
