The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
