come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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