I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I want is dick and wine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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