come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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