the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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