Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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