I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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