Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
