I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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