I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
