every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
