So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
