not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
