so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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