well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
