I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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