Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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