i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
