we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
