i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
