So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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