my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
