great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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