During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
