im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize