Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
