i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize