where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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