I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
