We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
