Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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