im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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