yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
