He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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