I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
