Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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