I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
