So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
