We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
