i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize