I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This baby is an asshole
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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