and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
