me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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