So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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