you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
