Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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