need another drink. this is the easiest way
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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