yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
