Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize