If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
