I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
