I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're too hungover to prance.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
