just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
