No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
