I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
