Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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