There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Couch. On fire.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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