I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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