I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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