I heard we made out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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