oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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