my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
